“Invade and Occupy” — McCain and Graham

by Nathaniel Smith, Politics: A View from West Chester

Washington, Feb. 5, 2014

In a bold new proposal to break the deadlocks in Afghanistan and Iraq, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) proposed that the United States invade and occupy those countries.

“Those governments are engaged in antagonistic behavior not only toward the United States but also toward their own citizens,” McCain said. “They are dividing their people through unacceptable partisan strife that sets factions against each other with no regard for their national welfare. They are even holding talks with those who oppose them.”

“Presidents Maliki and Karzai have been acting as if he wants to ruin their economies, demoralize citizens, and turn their countries over to our enemies,” the 2008 presidential candidate added. “For the sake of the Afghan and Iraqi people, we need to send a substantial military force, chase out those unworthy leaders, and install friendly regimes. We must show the people of the Middle East how we in our country maintain a responsive government that fully and openly responds to the needs of the people.”

“Our national interest and ultimately our access to our oil in the Middle East are at stake,” stated McCain’s long-time ally Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC). “Karzai absolutely refused to do as we said when John and I talked with him last month, and Maliki is just as bad.”

“Let’s see about sending some troops to straighten out Libya, Egypt, Syria and Iran while we’re at it,” Graham added. “If our ships and planes are carrying troops and materiel that way anyhow,” he explained, “It will be cheaper to just take over all those trouble-makers at the same time and stay the course.”

Former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates concurred. “The Afghans, Iraqis, and their neighbors will welcome us with open arms,” he said while on a tour to promote his recent book. “It will be a cakewalk.”

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Filed under Afghanistan, Iraq, Mid East other / S Asia, Nathaniel Smith, Satire, US Senate

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