Since the House of Representatives has vetoed the $700 billion of taxpayer money to bail out Wall Street outfits, maybe the free market advocates should allow a free market. A modest proposal might be to divide up that amount and give it to each man, woman, and child in the country since they have been or will be paying into it.
That should be enough for everyone to pay their mortgages, buy food and other items in stores, and get the cash and credit flowing again. It should also allow those who have stashed, hoarded, or hidden money away to bring it forth and get it also in circulation. This is no time for lack of faith or patriotism.
It’s just a modest proposal, not quite as far-fetched as Jonathan Swift’s original one, but it would at least make a great deal of political and financial common sense.
(email lore, late Sept. 08)
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to email@example.com so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Minister of Treasury Paulson