Monthly Archives: January 2008

Email from John Edwards, 1/30/08

Thank you all very much. We’re very proud to be back here.

During the spring of 2006, I had the extraordinary experience of bringing 700 college kids here to New Orleans to work. These are kids who gave up their spring break to come to New Orleans to work, to rehabilitate houses, because of their commitment as Americans, because they believed in what was possible, and because they cared about their country.

I began my presidential campaign here to remind the country that we, as citizens and as a government, have a moral responsibility to each other, and what we do together matters. We must do better, if we want to live up to the great promise of this country that we all love so much.

It is appropriate that I come here today. It’s time for me to step aside so that history can blaze its path. We do not know who will take the final steps to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but what we do know is that our Democratic Party will make history. We will be strong, we will be unified, and with our convictions and a little backbone we will take back the White House in November and we’ll create hope and opportunity for this country. Continue reading

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Dubya Dubya

Click here for impeachment song by Cheryl Wheeler.

“… Dubya, oh baby, you gotta go….”

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Nader Warns Bloomberg Not to Run

Only Room for One Egomaniac in Race, Activist Says
The Borowitz Report, 1/30/08

Not so fast.

That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, “If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it’s going to be me.”

Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was “only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race.”

At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg’s motives: “Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up.”

In contrast, Mr. Nader said, “I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time.”

If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up three percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to fifty percent in California and New York.

Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a “novice spoiler,” adding, “When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters.”

“Michael Bloomberg can’t point to a single election he’s messed up – I can,” he said. “I am ready to screw this one up on Day One.”

Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, “Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture.”

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Post-State of the Union Surprise

Washington DC, 1/29/08

In a turn of events that seemed written by a former White House staff member, press secretary Dana Perino has announced that “for health reasons and to spend more time teaching his grandchildren how to shoot, vice president Cheney has decided to retire, effective immediately.”

In answer to a reporter’s question, she mentioned president Bush’s criteria for a new appointee: military background, long-standing interest in being president, and a last name beginning with the letter P.

In answer to another reporter’s question, Perino denied that the appointee’s first name would begin with a C. “Try the next letter in the alphabet,” she suggested.

In an impromptu press conference outside the White House in Lafayette Park, Republican presidential candidates Giuliani, Huckabee, McCain, and Romney immediately issued a statement that “We are totally united in our admiration for our great outgoing leader, the irreplaceable Mr. Cheney. Therefore, we call on president Bush not to appoint a new vice president at all.”

Candidate Ron Paul, based on Perino’s hint about the letter P, did not participate in the statement.

In an unrelated development, four-star general David Petraeus announced that he has won the Iraq War and looks forward to his next campaign.

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